In late December, we are not only in the midst of the holiday season; we are in the middle of the "breakup season." According to research, more breakups occur at this time than at any other time of year.
Maybe it's the stress that the holidays can put on us, or maybe it's because your boyfriend gave you fruitcake instead of the silver necklace you wanted for Christmas. Whatever the reason, you're hurting and you want it to stop. Here's how to mend your broken heart.
Don't Get Down on Yourself
After a breakup, people tend to plummet into a pit of low self-esteem and guilt. You are looking for reasons why the relationship ended, and you start obsessing and blaming yourself. "Maybe I was too hard on her for canceling dinner with my parents" or "Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him when he came home late without calling."
This kind of negative thinking spirals out of control quickly. You may start feeling you're not attractive enough or funny enough or just plain good enough to be with that person, which isn't true. Sit down. Take a breath. And STOP this negative thinking right now! This isn't to say that you shouldn't reflect on your role in the relationship. Just be kinder to yourself!
Forget About Being Friends
Anything that has the word "friend" in it, forget about. "Friends with benefits," "Just friends" -- just say "No."
It's hard to move on when you are still keeping one foot in the past. It's time to rely on your other friends for support and get out there and make new friends. You won't be as quick to accept an invite to a party or call an old high school friend if you are busy with your ex.
Stop Thinking They're "All That"
When a relationship is over, it's easier to think of the good times as opposed to the bad times. The annoying habits and bad character traits seem to recede into the background. All you can think about is the great chemistry and the fun Saturday nights you had going out to your fave Italian restaurant together.
What you're doing is idealizing the relationship now that it's gone. You're turning it into some blockbuster movie romance when at best it was a B movie with mixed reviews. Start looking at it with more objectivity. Remind yourself of the fights you had and the frustration you felt.
Start Dating Again
Post breakup, some people might advise you to work on yourself and forget about the dating scene for a while. And if that's what you feel like doing, no problem. However, this isn't good for everyone and there is nothing wrong with getting back out there sooner rather than later.
Emailing a person you met online or going on a dinner date may be just the thing you need to lift your spirits. Of course, this doesn't mean you should dive into anything right away either. Start by getting your feet wet.
Never Lose Hope
When you are hurting after a breakup, it's easy to tell yourself, "I'll never meet anyone this fabulous again" or "I'll never find anyone." But the reality is, you WILL meet someone and, eventually, you will wind up in a better relationship. If this one was healthy and meant to be, you wouldn't be broken up. If you maintain hope and don't give into the hurt, you can pursue and find what you are looking for.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Ugh, It's Another Valentine's Day and I'm Still Single
Chapter 11 : 9 empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling.
So, you are not in a relationship at the moment and Valentine's Day seems to be putting a big red spotlight on your singleness. Here are some practical and empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling.
1. Wallow, But Just a Little
It's important to acknowledge your real feelings, so give yourself permission to wallow a little bit if you're feeling extra sad or lonely. The key words here are "a little bit." Don't allow yourself to dwell or obsess. Confine your wallowing to a certain time period -- say, 15 minutes of self-pity and that's it.
2. Watch "Love Actually"
The movie "Love Actually" (rated R) is great cinematherapy for V-Day because it shows that romantic love is important, but other kinds of love are just as important, such as the love of family and friends. Don't let Valentine's Day be co-opted by couples. Send valentines to all the people you love in your life!
3. Go on a Trip
A new trend for singles is to elude Valentine's Day by taking a short getaway with friends to a place where they are not constantly bombarded with images of hearts and cupids. There is nothing wrong with this trend as long as you are using it as a fun escapade, rather than an escape.
4. Re-energize Your Relationship Search
If you are feeling down at this time of year, channel your negative energy into something positive. Have you been browsing online profiles but never send an email? Have you been using work as an excuse that you are too busy to meet people? Have you been dating the wrong types of men or women for you? Use Valentine's Day as a new start to self-reflect and be proactive.
5. Ask Someone Out
If you really want a date for Valentine's Day, don't wait to be asked -- go ahead and do the asking. Even if it's someone you think of as "just a friend," you'll still have fun going out and celebrating.
6. Cuddle Up to Something Warm and Fuzzy
Warm fuzzies just make you feel good. Those V-day stuffed animals are great. So are warm cozy blankets and floppy slippers. Many would agree that the best warm fuzzies are pets. If you have a pet, get him or her a Valentine's Day treat. If you don't, maybe it's time to consider a dog or cat... now that's unconditional love!
7. Eat Some Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is good for our hearts in more ways than one. Besides containing potent antioxidants, it has the power to boost endorphins, the "happy juice" in our brains. The higher the percentage of cacao, the better. On Valentine's Day get your friends together for a chocolate tasting -- including chocolate fondue. Enjoy in moderation!
8. Don't See the World as One Big Happy Couple
"I see happy couples!" And that's all many single people see around V-Day. But it's a trick your mind is playing on you because that's what you are focused on. Not everyone is in a relationship and, certainly, not everyone is in a happy relationship. Keep your focus on the millions of single people out there just like you!
9. Remember This Is Just ONE Valentine's Day
Maybe you've been single for one V-day. Maybe you've been single for ten. Don't get completely discouraged and project into the future that you are going to be single for every Valentine's Day to come. No one has a crystal ball and life has a way of surprising us. Help make a good surprise more likely by keeping a positive attitude and being persistent about finding the healthy, happy relationship you want.
So, you are not in a relationship at the moment and Valentine's Day seems to be putting a big red spotlight on your singleness. Here are some practical and empowering things you can do to tone down that "ugh" feeling.
1. Wallow, But Just a Little
It's important to acknowledge your real feelings, so give yourself permission to wallow a little bit if you're feeling extra sad or lonely. The key words here are "a little bit." Don't allow yourself to dwell or obsess. Confine your wallowing to a certain time period -- say, 15 minutes of self-pity and that's it.
2. Watch "Love Actually"
The movie "Love Actually" (rated R) is great cinematherapy for V-Day because it shows that romantic love is important, but other kinds of love are just as important, such as the love of family and friends. Don't let Valentine's Day be co-opted by couples. Send valentines to all the people you love in your life!
3. Go on a Trip
A new trend for singles is to elude Valentine's Day by taking a short getaway with friends to a place where they are not constantly bombarded with images of hearts and cupids. There is nothing wrong with this trend as long as you are using it as a fun escapade, rather than an escape.
4. Re-energize Your Relationship Search
If you are feeling down at this time of year, channel your negative energy into something positive. Have you been browsing online profiles but never send an email? Have you been using work as an excuse that you are too busy to meet people? Have you been dating the wrong types of men or women for you? Use Valentine's Day as a new start to self-reflect and be proactive.
5. Ask Someone Out
If you really want a date for Valentine's Day, don't wait to be asked -- go ahead and do the asking. Even if it's someone you think of as "just a friend," you'll still have fun going out and celebrating.
6. Cuddle Up to Something Warm and Fuzzy
Warm fuzzies just make you feel good. Those V-day stuffed animals are great. So are warm cozy blankets and floppy slippers. Many would agree that the best warm fuzzies are pets. If you have a pet, get him or her a Valentine's Day treat. If you don't, maybe it's time to consider a dog or cat... now that's unconditional love!
7. Eat Some Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is good for our hearts in more ways than one. Besides containing potent antioxidants, it has the power to boost endorphins, the "happy juice" in our brains. The higher the percentage of cacao, the better. On Valentine's Day get your friends together for a chocolate tasting -- including chocolate fondue. Enjoy in moderation!
8. Don't See the World as One Big Happy Couple
"I see happy couples!" And that's all many single people see around V-Day. But it's a trick your mind is playing on you because that's what you are focused on. Not everyone is in a relationship and, certainly, not everyone is in a happy relationship. Keep your focus on the millions of single people out there just like you!
9. Remember This Is Just ONE Valentine's Day
Maybe you've been single for one V-day. Maybe you've been single for ten. Don't get completely discouraged and project into the future that you are going to be single for every Valentine's Day to come. No one has a crystal ball and life has a way of surprising us. Help make a good surprise more likely by keeping a positive attitude and being persistent about finding the healthy, happy relationship you want.
I can't be what i used to be
Chapter 10 : I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive.
No one in this world is perfect nor strong enough, unless they're Superman. Still, Superman has a weakness too, right? Remember the green Krypton stone? Haha yes, that's his weakness. Why am i telling you about Superman anyway? He doesn't even exist, haha. We, as human beings make mistakes everytime, we experience 'regret' every bump in our lives. But it's okay, we still survive.
I'm an optimist, seriously. I think i have always been an optimist, i like to believe in the good and hoping that the 'good' will come true. To be honest, some of it do come true. If we believe hard enough, it's not impossible to happen.
Every once and then, you will meet up with an ugly road but all you can do is just drive over that road and finally you'll see a 'better-looking' road. So, the point is we move on. No matter how hard it could possibly be, we still move on. Thats what we should do, get over it and move on.
And moving on, sometimes we need a little shoulder to cry on and maybe, something or someone that could make us feel better.
No one in this world is perfect nor strong enough, unless they're Superman. Still, Superman has a weakness too, right? Remember the green Krypton stone? Haha yes, that's his weakness. Why am i telling you about Superman anyway? He doesn't even exist, haha. We, as human beings make mistakes everytime, we experience 'regret' every bump in our lives. But it's okay, we still survive.
I'm an optimist, seriously. I think i have always been an optimist, i like to believe in the good and hoping that the 'good' will come true. To be honest, some of it do come true. If we believe hard enough, it's not impossible to happen.
Every once and then, you will meet up with an ugly road but all you can do is just drive over that road and finally you'll see a 'better-looking' road. So, the point is we move on. No matter how hard it could possibly be, we still move on. Thats what we should do, get over it and move on.
And moving on, sometimes we need a little shoulder to cry on and maybe, something or someone that could make us feel better.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
This is how i feel
Rihanna - Cry
I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got that whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I strayed from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give IT to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I strayed from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
How did I get here with you, I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And After all I tried to do to stay away from love with you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
All my life...
I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cause I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got that whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I strayed from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give IT to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart
My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I strayed from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
How did I get here with you, I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And After all I tried to do to stay away from love with you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry
All my life...